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Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
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4:25 am - Meh.
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It's about 4:30 am, and I am totally wired, and I was reading other peoples live journals for a moment, then afer about four or five sentances I got bored with it. So I decided to post something. Much more intercative than reading other people's stuff. XD
Cassidy is going home today and I dun want her to... and I have to close at work tonight. So I prolly should go to bed soon so I can get some good sleep before work later. Not that I need 12 hours of sleep.
I have Dresden Dolls stuck in my head, and it has been all night. Along with a splitting migrain that I woke up with this morning. And it continues even now. Even though my mother gave me a pretty strong pain killer. I think at one point this evening I had a fever too. It was totally fun. -_-;;
Xd Well, I'm going to go listen to Dresden Dolls, and then something else that will hopfully get them out of my head. Have fun everyone. Bai bee
En <3
current mood:  Totally not tired.
current music: Good Day ~=Dresden Dolls=~
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| Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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9:03 am - *yawns?*
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Ok, I dunno what the hell is up but I really can't sleep.. -_-; One night I will get good sleep and the next like.. four nights I won't. I have also found it -really- freakin' cold out. I don't know if it is just me or if it really is cold, but yeah... *shivers*
Well, thats all my complainin' I swear. At least for today. Anyway. I soo can't wait for September. XD So much good stuff is coming. NDK is going to be on the 17-19, and that is always good stuff. I need to seriously work on costume goodness though. XD I always do this. You know.. wait til the last minute to do it. ^__^ But NDK will be good. And then lots of video games and such are coming out. Number one on my list being SH4: Teh Room. XD I have it all pre-ordered, and I'mma get a sound track thingie with it for doing that. *^^*
ALSO! Laurell K. Hamiltons new book, Incubus Dreams, is coming out on the 28th.. of September of course. I can't wait for that. *^^* As much as I hate hard back books I can't wait for her books to come out on paper back to get them. So I will probably end up getting hard back and then paper back later. XD
Work is going good. Although I think I might be getting a cold of some sort from one of the guys I work with. He's a new guy too and so i was working with him every day last week. So yeah.. I hope I don't get sick because being sick sucks. -_-;
Well, I've decided that I officially want to be an English teacher. The only catch.. is that I want to be an English teacher.. in Japan. ^__^ A high school english teacher in Japan though. I still hate children. XD But yeah. I think it would be lots of happy fun. I think I kind of give up on the whole art thing.. I just can't do it.. -_-; Makes me sad, but what ever.I'd prolly still paint and such on my own time.
Ricky keeps promising me that we will have our own island some day, and he will build a college that will be considered an elite college for students around the world, and he said that I could teach there. *giggles softly* I think that would be pretty nifty. I'm not sure I would be much of a teacher for elite students, but I would try my hardest. *^_^*
Well I'm off. I should take a nap before I have to go to work. XD Bai bee all!!!
Alex <3
current mood:  loved
current music: FFX sound track.
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| Saturday, August 21st, 2004
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10:01 am - Blah.
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I'm sleepy.. and I have work tonight. >_< I hope I get.. un.. sleepy before then. * curls up on her bed.*
I miss playing FFXI with Ricky.. * ker- sigh* We always party on there, and watch eachothers back and such. It was great.. but his computer died and he has to get it fixed.. and his dad is taking -forever- to fix it. ;_; Makes meh sad. *sighs softly and the yawns.* But, the good thing is, is that I got my Black mage to level 20, and have the abuility to go get my chocobo license now. Chocobo's are fun. ^_^
Well, I did that thing Sarah did. It makes me giggle. Giggle with much glee.
Yep. Shizu.. you are both my bodyguard -and- the bad guy.. er.. girl. XD Whee.
Welp I'm done. Bai bee all.
current mood:  Sleepy, and missing Ricky. >_
current music: Kiseki no Umi - Maaya Sakamoto
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| Sunday, August 15th, 2004
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3:13 pm - Snap.
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Well, I'm done.
No more Josh. I won't do it. I am tired of hearing about his precious Barbii, and I can't sit by and let him say he cares about me when I know just how much he does.
So, he blocked me and delete my nameon MSN. SO I did the same to all three of his MSN names, and his AIM name, and also I deleted his name on FFXI. I am not going to put up with it anymore. I hope he ejoys how much Barbii hurts him, because I know she will do it again. And I am not going to be there for him this time. Because when I do that I am there for him until he feels better and then he goes back to her.
So fuck it all. I'm done with him and all the shit he has put me through.
Well.. thats all I had to say so yeah.
Alex
current mood:  discontent
current music: 24 - switchfoot
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| Thursday, August 12th, 2004
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11:05 pm - Bend and Not Break
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I catalog these steps now,
decisive and intentioned,
precise and patterened
specifically to yours.
I'm talented at breathing,
especially exhaling,
so that my chest will rise and fall with yours.
I'm careful not to wake you,
fearing conversation.
It's better just to hold you
and keep you pacified.
I'm talented with reason,
I cover all the angles.
I can fail before I ever try.
Try to understand, there is an old mistake that fools will make.
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away.
So won't you hold me now? (I will not bend, I will not break.)
Won't you hold me now? (I will not bend, I will not break.)
I am fairly agile.
I can bend and not break.
Or I can break and take it with a smile.
I am so resilient.
I recover quickly.
I'll convince you soon that I am fine.
Try to understand, there is an old mistake that fools will make.
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away.
So won't you hold me now? (I will not bend, I will not break.)
Won't you hold me now? ( For you I rise for you I fall.)
Just hold me close to you.
Just hold me close to you.
Just hold me close to you.
Just hold me close to you... to you.
Try to understand, there is an old mistake that fools will make.
And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away.
So won't you hold me nooow?
Won't you hold me now?
Now... Now.. Now...Now...
Mmkay.. well I love that song, and it is a good way to see what I feel. I think so anyway. Mhm. Yep. Well. Thats all so.. g'night.
Alex
current mood:  Unnoticably lonely..
current music: This song.
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| Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
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8:50 am - *yawns*
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I'm sleepy... It's almost nine which means I have been awake for like.. three hours. >_< I had the worst time sleeping last night. It was horrible. *rubs her face and shakes her head* I don't know what is wrong with me. I haven't had such sleeping problems since high school. And in highschool it wasn't a problem. I was used to staying up 'till 3 in the morning and getting up at 6 and being perfectly functional all day. *sighs softly*
I dunno. Maybe it's stress. Stress tends to do that to me. I get less sleep and I am ok with it. x_x; I don't know what stress though. It could be the stress from my parents. Mayhaps, but I have always put up with their shit, so Idon't think so. It could possibly be stress from trying to get into some classes at ACC or something -and- trying to get a job. >_>; I might be getting one at Block Buster. Hopefully they call me back. Although.. the way the girl was questioning me, it almost seems like the job is going ot be harder than it is worth. >_<
Oh well. I can name of a few other things that could be making me stressed, but I don't want to think about it, so I won't. *curls up on her bed* Well, it looks like little to no sleep for me for a while. -_-; I'mma go.
Bai bee.
Alex <3
current mood:  Thinking too hard
current music: Bend and Not Break - Dashboard Confessional
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| Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
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9:38 am - *sighs*
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I worry too much... Mainly about Josh. Not about us really, but about his well being. He doesn't sleep very well, and he has been sick a lot lately.
I just hope he's alright. He hasn't been online much at all, so I can't be sure.
I'm re-reading the Anita Blake series. Laurell is coming out with her next book to the series in September. The 28th to be precises. I can't wait for it. It should prove to be quite good. I'm going to get it hard back, but I am starting to think that I want to collect the hard back and the paper back versions of each book. The hard back version so I can read it as soon as it comes out, but the papber back version so I can read it as many times as I want. I hate reading hard back books. They are so cumbersom. I can't read them in bed to save my life. -_-;
Anyway. *ker-sigh*
Ricky's goin' off to Florida. >_>; I feel bad.. his parents are making him go, and he doesn't want to. He doesn't have any friends there, and it's going to be so boring. x_x; His parents are mean. But god.. they are rich. >_>; He said that his mom told him she makes some.. $80.00 an hour. No I did not mis type that. $80.00 an hour. I almost started to cry. XD My mom only makes a whopping $13.00 an hour. It's crazy. >_O Stupid Colorado. *ahem*
It'd be fun to go to Florida. I'm not a big fan of the sun, but there are lots of things to do.. Although most of them would only be fun to do if you had someone there to do them with. :\ Poor Ricky.
It's going to be.. very uninteresting without him around. XD Esspecially on FFXI. he usually keeps me company on there, and we kill things together. XD
o_o That reminds me! Play ONline stopped working! >_< Those bastards! I ran the update on it, and as soon as I did, it just stopped working. It act's like it'll start up, and then it dies! *grumbles* So, I can't play FFXI until it works again.. I might just try to reinstall it.Hopefully I can.. >_>;
Well, I'm sleepy.. so I'mma stop writing. I need food too. Food sounds good.
current mood:  Munchy
current music: The neighbors playing with chainsaws. Spooky yes?
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| Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
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7:45 pm - This.. is great. XD
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:Things you have to believe to be a Republican today
1. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
2. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
3. The United States should get out of the United Nations; our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
5. Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies ("that's old Europe") then expect their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
11. A President lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A President lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business, nor are Dick Cheney's task force discussions with energy industry our business either.
14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
15. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.
I only wish that people would realize some of this crap and stop being republican. XD Hey, I can wish!
current mood:  amused
current music: MSN sounds
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| Tuesday, July 27th, 2004
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12:16 pm - XD
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I need to post on here more often. I really really do. >_<
Anyway, My birthday was on friday, which I am sure just about all of you knew, and it was fun. I didn't do much for it. No party or anything. I went and stayed over at my brothers house on Thursday night, and got up in the morning to go down town and have lunch. We went to Yoko's over at Sakura square. I love Yoko's. ^_^
Then, my mom and I went over to Torrid, and got meself a new spiffy outfit. Almost everyone has seen it. XD Even Josh. ^_^ Hee hee. But yeah, when i got home, I found out that Summer fest had started on FFXI, just that day. I was all squeaky. But after playing for like an hour, I got together with Meg, Gary, and Christina, and we went and saw the Bourne Supemacy.
After that Gary took me over to Fascinations. It was amusing. XD I had never been. The people there are really nice. They give you a bit more information than one would like to know, but hey, thats their job. XD
I'm a much happier person though. My dad has no say in what I do anymore. Not really anyway. So he can't tell me I can't go hang out with Gary or anything. He technically can't make me work with him either, but as much as I complain I do it anyway, because he gives me money for it.
^_^ I have my Joshii back. You have no idea how happy I am either. I love him soo very much. As much pain as I went through when he went back with Barbii, it was worth it. Every bit of it was worth it. And if I had to, I would do it all again, because I love him. I'm not sure if he checks these things anymore, but if he does.. I love you Josh!! *^_^*
I still want to move out.. but I'm not sure of where to and how I would pay for it. No more job ya know? So I might just have to stay here until i get enough money to move out. Although I have to pay Gary back first. XD I owe him a bunch o' moneies. >^^< Well.. *hrms* Yeah. I think that is all for now. *nod nod* Yep.
I love you all! ^___^ Bai bee!
current mood:  chipper
current music: Silent Hill 3 Sound Track
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| Friday, July 9th, 2004
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9:38 pm - I hate life.
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I have only three things to say.
1) I'm grounded from just about everyone I hold dear to me. Gary, and anyone I can talk to on the computer.
2) I'm either going to end up killing my dad.. or killing myself. I would muchly prefer the first option.
3) I have found even more so that the people I need more than anything are never here for me when I need them most.
Thanks all. Have a great life.
current mood:  distressed
current music: The silent sobs of hatred in my head..
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| Thursday, July 8th, 2004
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12:55 am - Another let down.
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I seem to get nothing but let downs anymore, so when I notice one in particular, I seem kinda numb to the effect it should have one me. But either way...
I find myself desperately clinging on to what little bit of happiness I can get lately. The main -person- making me happy right now is Josh.. But I have this horrible.. rather painful.. siniking feeling that he could never love me the way I would like.. Then again.. I could just be completely crazy. I don't know..
To be honest, I don't have the slightest clue what is wrong with me. Can't sleep for shit. Oh, I do get to sleep, but my sleep is so broken, and uneasy that I wake up and feel like I need more, even though I got about 8 hours of it. Maybe it's this house.. The people in this house, rather.
My dad was being a -real- ass tonight. I mean.. normally when he drinks he's a jerk, but he doesn't usually act on it unless you say something to him. Tonight though, he was just wailing on everyone. No reason at all. He would just start yelling at you. And then my mom would get pissed off at his yelling.. I would try talking to her, and she would direct her anger at me..
You know... I really hate it when I complain.. I know I do it alot, but I can't help it. There are so many things for me to be angry about, or sad about, or annoyed with... I just wish that for once I can honestly say that there is nothing that can take away something that makes me happy. There is always something there, ready to steal my happiness away from me.
* starts to cry softly* Can't I just keep one thing? I piece of happiness... Thats all I want.. Is one piece that I can keep for myself and never have to worry about it being taken away...
I need to go.. I am suddenly feeling very ill, and I either need to lay down or throw up.. Can't decide which..
current mood:  lonely
current music: Crestfallen- Smashing Pumpkins
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| Tuesday, June 22nd, 2004
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3:18 pm - *yawns*
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Well... Uhm.. I've not bee having a very good time the past three days... For some reason. Last night was understandable, but the night before last, that was not. The night before last I was really feeling down.. and the thunder was scaring the shit out of me. So yeah.. I was crying and I think I made Gary feel bad because there wasn't anything he could do to help it. -_-;
But.. last night... Well, last night was just painful. Not painful in a physical sort of way.. More painful in the emotional sort of way. I was talking to Gary last night... and he brought up that maybe he wasn't making me happy.. and that maybe it would be better if I found someone else who really did. I know he only means well for me.. He knows that later on down the road.. if Emily comes bac to Colorado in two years like she said.. that he would end up hurting me because he wants to be with her.. And I understand it all.. but it still hurts..
Last night I just about got sick, and I couldn't stop shaking.. And I really wanted to talk to JOsh, but he wasn't online and I don't have his number anymore.. I don't know what I did with it. *sighs softly* And now I have to go in to work today, because my boss called earlier and said he wanted me to come in today instead of tomorrow. So.. I have to go.
I love you Josh.
current mood:  Unhappy...
current music: Silent Hill 3 soundtrack
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| Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
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1:35 pm - *sigh*
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Meh.. I don't know why I bother anymore. I really really don't. *shakes her head* School is just annoying, my mom and dad are also -really- annoying, and I really haven't got anything to be interested in. I give up.
My mom thinks I am lying to her when I tell her that I am going to move as soon as I turn 18. I am going to find a place to move into with a couple of friends, and I am going to go to college, and just be happy, because I have no one to tell me how to be, or what to do. I will have no one screaming in the background of everything I do. Although, now I see my parents fighting as nothing but a dull buzz in the back of my mind. It's still annoying.
Ok, well... I sound like I'm complaining about stuff for no reason now, so I'm going to go. Ignore me, ne?
Blah.
current mood:  annoyed
current music: Learning to Breath- Switchfoot
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| Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
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10:20 am - Ooo Nifty.
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You're Element is Flame. You have a strong,
independant, fiery personality and you
obviously don't let other's push you around.
You like being in charge and don't care what
other people think. In fact, you like to stand
out and be yourself. You're probably shy when
people first meet you but your a ball of energy
that could explode at any given moment. You
like to laugh and whether you admit it or not,
you like to fight. You're peronality is
wild and untamable. You're beauty is physically
fit and a little sexy and you have a very
pretty face.
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla
current mood:  hopeful
current music: Hitorijime- Card Captor Sakura
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| Thursday, February 26th, 2004
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10:32 am - Oy!
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Mmeh.. >_>;; I uh.. Don't know what to do here.. I mean, I could post.. more so than i am, but that would take effort.. in which I feel not like doing. eh heh. *^^*
All I has to say is that " Having a day off in the middle of the week.. sucks soo bad." Why? you might wonder. Because... it just means that you have too go to school the next day, after a wonderful day of doing diddly SQUAT! >_< stupid school. Oh well. I' done.
current mood:  flirty
current music: Hikari- Kingdoms heart.. Utada Hikaru
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| Friday, February 20th, 2004
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1:53 pm - Grrr....
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I'mma gonna kick people.. *twitches* I'm sitting here in info proccessing, and I am being leaned on.. >_O THEY'RE INVADING MY BUBBLE! * squeaks and falls over bawling*
Oh.. Um.. anyway, I have been in a very... sad mood today. I don't really know why, but I have been really unhappy. *sighs and shrugs* Oh well. I mean, I don't have a reason for it, but I still feel all depressed n' stuff. >_>;; BUT! The SB Email is funny. Heh heh.. Grumblecakes.. Those sound good. >_>; Oddly enough.
Well.. bai!
Amiboshi
current mood: depressed
current music: All in my head - >_>; A song Carl Sent me.
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| Thursday, February 12th, 2004
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12:54 pm - Art.. o_O
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I need to do ART!! *twitches with odd aura o' anger.* I can't think of more stuff to do! I mean, I have my Concentration, but... I am at a loss of what to draw! I like my crow though... It's nifty. >_>;; My Info Processing teacher is going to strangle me.. I keep forgetting to bring in the stuff we were doing.. -_-;;
*squeaks in fear* Well, I should hide myself in a book now.
Amiboshi
current mood: intimidated
current music: CCS Opening 2- Daijoubu (I think thats the name of it.. )
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| Monday, February 9th, 2004
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10:44 am - Dood!
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Ok ok.. I am in my World lit class right now, and I 'DON'T' Want to do anything.. -_-;; So, I am working as slow as I possibly can. It's great. I hate the key boards at school though, you have to hit the keys so hard to make them work.. -_-;;
OH OH!!! I got the entire set of cool grey Prisma color markers!! It makes me smile! And whats even better than that is that I got them for only $15.00. That set in normally about 30 to 36 dollars. I'm soo happie!! Heh heh. *huggles everyone how gives a flying fook.* Phwee!
Well I'm off before Mr. Larson finds out I'm not doing any work. Heh heh. *^^* BAI!!!
Amiboshi >^^
current mood:  creative
current music: Maaya Sakamoto's Neko to Inu
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| Friday, February 6th, 2004
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1:37 pm - Phwee!
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>_>;; I'mma tired person. Muh dad is being his normal jerky self, and has been starting aruguments with everyone all morning long, and then I had an ungodly painful headache this morning, so yeah. But I'm better! Much better. School is just about over, and I am getting farther in muh book.
I got to go see my Sixth grade teacher Wednesday. It was good fun. It was really funny, cause when I popped my head into the class room she flipped out with happiness and stopped everything to come give me a hug. I felt very loved. *^^* And then I got to talk to her class of Sixth graders. It was odd. But they seemed to look up to me, reguardless of the cat ears. Heh heh. *^^* Well, I'm off, going to go poke other things. Poke them with Sporks. That sounds about right. Yeah.
Bai all!!!
Amiboshi >^^
current mood:  pleased
current music: Maaya Sakamoto's Vector
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| Thursday, February 5th, 2004
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8:21 pm - BLAH!
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